Elliot Page Reflects on Being Trans, Joy, and Transition in New Esquire Cover

To Elliot Page, star of Netflix’s The Umbrella Academy, the perfect day looks like this: It’s summertime, the weather is hot, and he’s wearing a perfectly-fitted white t-shirt while walking down the street. “In the past, that would’ve been a very different walk. Instead, you have ideas blossoming in your mind, not constant feelings of shame and self-hatred,” he wrote in his own words for the cover of Esquire’s summer issue.

In the story — published on the first day of LGBTQ Pride Month — Page reflects on coming out as transgender and transitioning, on his childhood and connection to nature, on how he’s perceived, and so much more.

Back in December 2020, Page posted a letter on social media, saying: “Hi friends, I want to share with you that I am trans, my pronouns are he/they and my name is Elliot. I feel lucky to be writing this. To be here. To have arrived at this place in my life,” he wrote. “I feel overwhelming gratitude for the incredible people who have supported me along this journey. I can’t begin to express how remarkable it feels to finally love who I am enough to pursue my authentic self. I’ve been endlessly inspired by so many in the trans community. Thank you for your courage, your generosity and ceaselessly working to make this world a more inclusive and compassionate place.”

The response over the past year and a half have been a mix of “love and support from many people and hatred and cruelty and vitriol from so many others,” Page wrote in his Esquire cover. It has also given him the time and space to reflect on his experiences in Hollywood. After filming Juno, during awards season, Page recalls being closeted and being told to wear dresses and heels on red carpets. “I wasn’t okay, and I didn’t know how to talk about that with anyone,” he wrote. “I was living the life and my dreams were coming true, and all that was happening. And yet, for example, when I was shooting Inception, I could pretty much not leave whatever hotel I’d be staying in…I struggled with food. Intense depression, anxiety, severe panic attacks. I couldn’t function.”

As of recently, Page finds that joy is more about being present. “I can’t overstate the biggest joy, which is really seeing yourself. I know I look different to others, but to me I’m just starting to look like myself,” he wrote. “It’s indescribable, because I’m just like, there I am. And thank God. Here I am.”

“For me, euphoria is simply the act of waking up, making my coffee, and sitting down with a book and being able to read,” he continued. “I know that may sound strange, but I can’t stress enough the degree of discomfort and struggle that I was experiencing that got in the way of everything. How could it not?”