The Real Reason Your Boyfriend Broke Up With You (It’s Not Always What He Tells You)
Breakups… they can really hurt. But when you get dumped and still don’t know why the relationship really ended? The confusion can hurt even more.
Guys will do all sorts of things when they break things off with you. Some of them will be cold and clinical. Others will try to be as sweet and supportive as possible. But if all the things your boyfriend can do during this very difficult time, not telling you the REAL reasons he let you go are perhaps the biggest disservice.
Understand something: when a guy wants to end things he’s going to look for the easiest way out. This is because he wants to leave the relationship with the minimum amount of conflict, and if he’s caring, attempt to let you down gently with the least amount of pain.
In doing this however, guys will often make the mistake of being dishonest about why they really don’t want to date you anymore. They’ll be a lot more likely to tell you what you want to hear (or what they think you want to hear) rather than what really caused them to lose interest in being with you as a boyfriend and girlfriend.
The REAL Reasons He Broke Up With You
First of all, don’t think all guys are being deceptive on purpose. Most of them don’t even realize they’re giving you false reasons or escape clauses in order to duck out of whatever you built together. In an effort to keep things simple and uncomplicated, they will use the most convenient excuse for ending things, rather than argue the complex reasons that have made them sour about the relationship to begin with.
Also, some guys just don’t want you to argue. If they were to give you the real reasons for breaking up, you could actually begin to construct an argument – or even offer to fix those problems so the two of you can stay together. This could give you romance another shot, which is not what your boyfriend wants right now. Because right now, he’s dead set on ending things.
Honestly? Your boyfriend thought of breaking up with you long before he sat you down and actually did it. In his head, he mentally prepared for all the arguments you might have for staying together. See, he doesn’t want to have those arguments. Rather than having to defend his decision to break things off, your ex comes up with bogus or obscure reasons for bailing out, and substitutes those for the true problems he has with you.
That said, see if any of the following actual problems sound familiar to you:
You Were Too Controlling Over Him
One of the first reasons people will leave a relationship is when they feel pressured or controlled by their partner. This happens to guys as well as girls, and there’s a good chance it happened to your now ex boyfriend.
Think about how much you actually monitored your boyfriend’s activities. Did you constantly ask him ‘where he was’ or make him account for his time? Did you always make your ex feel guilty about going out with friends? These types of behaviors are controlling, and they may have driven your boyfriend away.
You Were Always Insecure
Understand that guys want a girl who’s attractive, fun, cool, and happy. So when you’re always asking if you look good, or if he loves you enough, or if you’re comparing yourself to his ex girlfriends? That’s a whole bunch of very unattractive insecurity.
Listen, we’re all insecure. And that’s okay. But when you allow your insecurities to run wild, you’ll start always doubting whether or not you’re good enough for your boyfriend. And when you think you’re not good enough? Eventually, your boyfriend will too.
You Exhibited Too Much Jealousy
Jealousy is the most powerful emotion next to love. But unfortunately, it can also be the most ugly.
When one partner is jealous of the other, the relationship is ultimately doomed. Anything you do or say soon becomes an argument, and instead of working together on a relationship as a team, you become jealous of each others successes.
No one likes to see themselves as “that” jealous girlfriend (or boyfriend). Jealous behaviors sneak up on you little by little over time, until the behaviors that make them up somehow become the norm.
Did you check his phone all the time? Ask him who he was with, and if any girls were there? Sometimes jealousy can get so bad you feel it in the pit of your stomach whenever your boyfriend even looks at another girl, much less talks to them. And if you’re feeling this way, imagine how your boyfriend is feeling, always having to look over his shoulder or worry about you being angry.
In the end, breakups happen. But if you know exactly why your ex broke up with you? That’s the first major step in reversing his decision, fixing the problem, and reconciling with him again.